I had a long dream of nothing. It was good. I’m glad to be awake, though.
Their dream is over and I’m not nothing anymore. I’m in a bed, upper bunk. Waking in a shared bedroom is usual, but not the rule. Nothing is the rule.
The walls are stone and the drafty windows are shuttered with wood. The cold metal reaches my first knuckle, further than yesterday. Always further than yesterday.
Someone like me dreams of my nonexistence and there I am in their place. They’re off on some journey of self discovery or freedom, same as me.
Their things are packed and they’re long gone. I don’t mind, I keep everything I need on my person. This is how it is.
I say they’re like me, but they were me. They are me until I wake up, then they’re not. Good riddance, I say. I don't have them holding me back and I'm stronger for it.
I step outside for my morning routine. Usually people don’t bother me about it. Something about being exempt from all the usual pressures.
I get the better deal. I'm free agent and an explorer of so many other people’s lives, not that their lives are any good. Most of the time turning tail and running away is the right choice.
I get to work with my file. Little flecks of lead pile up into a glass dish as I grind down my ring finger. It’s my sacrificial lamb, the one I need the least. My work is greater than it.
The landscape outside is strange, all black and white. Every place is a strange place when you aren’t “from” anywhere, though. Strange is usually fun to trounce through.
I unpack the rest of the set, arranging a burner to heat a flask of powdered saltpeter, alum, and blue vitriol. Once the mixture is liquid, I stir in the lead dust.
This place seems undeveloped, I won't be able to restock the rarer elements here. Means I have a better reason to focus on my other goal. More fun anyways.
I swirl the mixture around to make sure it's finished reacting. I down the small bottle in one swallow, the elixir is sweet, but it stings. It’s me, too.